It Is Time

I’d better blog this before I lose my nerve.   You see, if I put it here for the world to see then I have to muster my energy and follow through because I’ve set the “words” into action.

I’ve made the decision to file for divorce.

I can almost hear the many voices resounding “FINALLY” !!!

I have been waiting on a “sign” from God and it has not happened.  So, I bowed myself in prayer and conversed with God about this Lent season.  I am a “Non-Denominational” Christian Believer and we don’t even celebrate Lent to my knowledge but taking the 6 weeks leading up to Easter Sunday and Jesus’ Death and Resurrection to give up something by fasting and praying seems to be to be a good tradition to partake in.

When I got up off my face on Ash Wednesday I decided to file for divorce as an “Act Of Worship” to my God.  I know that may hit some of you out there as borderline blasphemy and still others as mere stupidity.

But, I am a woman who has made MANY mistakes, and then I made more mistakes trying to make up for those mistakes. 

I have a deep, close relationship with the same God who walked in the Garden of  Eden just to spend time with Adam and Eve.  And that same God loves me (and all of you) in spite of our mistakes –

Our accidents as well as the sins we’ve done on purpose.

He loves us anyway.  He loves me anyway. He loves YOU anyway !

This is just one more step toward my wholeness and healing.  This is between Me and God.  My mistakes, my repentance, my forgiveness and my salvation.  I cannot change anything I’ve done or said and cannot change anyone else.

I’ve tried.

So, Ash Wednesday I went to the court house for paperwork.  Later that night, at the bottom of last page is the “petition” to the court asking for a divorce – the header on this section says…

“PRAYER”

This was a hard hit.  And the fact that my ink pen ran out of ink half way through the process.  I got up from the table and prayed. “Lord, if this is Your way of telling me to stop I need more then these circumstances because the circumstances leading up to this moment for the past 13 years say a lot more then this ink pen.  Please help me understand where You are on this issue.”  I left the paperwork on the table until I got some “clarification”.

Think God does not listen and respond personally ?  Well,  imagine my surprise, three days later while cleaning my Africa room and I saw on the top shelf of my bookcase……… a clock that I had forgotten all about.  I bought it at a garage sale  many years ago because I fell in love with it and most everyone else thought it was cute but silly…..with the paperwork still on the kitchen table I  stared at the clock in amazement and I heard in my heart……..

“It Is Time”

PS – If this blog makes no sense please read “An Unbroken Heart” posted Feb 1st

If you are going through a difficult time in your life right now, please click this link to the song… “Praise You In This Storm” by Casting Crowns

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